the enigma that is keanu

keanu reeves must be the luckiest actor in all of hollywood. not only is he not attractive (have you checked out his white as hell gaunt face?!), he is also so so very untalented. so why is he one of the hottest actors in town right now? and why does he get so much money? well, he must have a brilliant agent. or someone who's helping him fall into these major hits. first, 'bill and ted' where he played a stupid los angeles teen. perfect for his acting skills. he should have realized back then that this was the character he was born to play. every other character could never compare. yet he kept working, doing a brilliant job as a stupid flunkie in 'parenthood'. he played stupid so convincingly, that there could be no doubt that this was the real keanu. next up, he played a stupid surfer/fbi agent in 'point break'. see a theme? but, to my horror, he decided to take a break from the stupid and tackle shakespeare. now, keanu's performance in 'much ado about nothing' remains, to this day, one of the worst performances ever captured on celluloid. for years my friends and i raged a debate about whether this performance was DELIBERATELY bad and over-the-top.....because how could kenneth branaugh let him get away with this? sadly though, the only conclusion to draw is that keanu really thought he was acting and everyone was too chickenshit to tell him. but people should have told him!! perhaps that would have prevented such atrocities as 'a walk in the clouds' or 'sweet november'. nonetheless, he lucked out when the 'matrix' script finally came to him after many "real" actors passed. for some reason he took the job and the rest is history. now we're all doomed to see many many more keanu movies at our local cineplex. and do you know what the real kicker is? the 'matrix' would be just as awesome with a different actor playing neo. lots of actors could have done it but we ended up with keanu. damn that man.

and if anyone cares about my actual opinion of 'matrix reloaded', i'd say it was good. it didn't change my life or revolutionize the world as we know it, but it was good. one of my only criticisms would have to be that the action sequences went on for too long. when an action sequence goes on for like 10 minutes, the length sort of takes away from the awesomeness of the special effects and fight. and with so many cuts to slow motion, it sort of takes the power out of the punch if you know what i mean. also, i could have done without the long zion dance orgy/love scene. i thought i was watching the wachowski's 'bound' for a minute. anyways, go see it. enjoy it. enjoy keanu as he says nothing and hides his vacant eyes behind his sunglasses. it's good times.