phone calls

a lot of my job is talking on the phone. and we get a lot of crazy people calling. a guy from luxembourg who has a great idea for a new Bond gadget....an out of work actor who heard that we were remaking a blaxplotation film that he was 'pimp #1' in and he wants to make a cameo in the remake....an actor from louisiana who's trying to pitch me his original horror movie concept.... you get the idea. usually i'm so busy that i cut them off and promptly hang up. but with today's call, i just had this funny feeling that this could be one hell of an amusing call....

he started by saying that he just had a few things he wanted to talk to me about james bond. he asked me if i had a five or ten minutes to hear his story. like i said, there was something special about this particular crackhead caller that made me say, 'yes, i'm free until the phone rings again.'

that's when he began what would be five minutes of incoherent, yet entertaining, ramblings. he launched into a speech about how each Bond actor had helped with the glorification of the handgun. at first i was like, 'oh geez, he's going to be all anti-gun and yell at me about the guns in the movies.' WRONG. frighteningly, he seemed to be pro-gun and was happy that these guns were in all the movies. he kept saying that the celebrities agreed to endorse the guns and help with the "glorification of the handgun" - that was a popular phrase.

in the middle of the conversation he drops a little tidbit concerning him in a lawsuit with led zeppelin or something. so confusing that i didn't understand and was too scared to ask. i was horrified that he was about to tell me that all of the 'glorification' had made him shoot someone or something and he was on trial. but he didn't say that and instead launched into a diatribe about reagan and vietnam and the 60s and everything else.

at this point he got really weird and said that the celebrities who had played Bond were not holding up their end of the bargain as far as glorifying guns was concerned. he was very serious. he told me that, "well, at least there's charlton heston, but i don't even like him that much." he kept calling the Bond actors ambassadors to the President which was slightly freaky. only because he said it over and over again. and that the actors was 'ambassading' and not doing a good enough job of it.

at the end he told me that he had seen the recent the world is not enough movie and that it was "pretty nice" and the beginning had "really turned him on". i really thought he was going to ask me something or end with a bang, but he just said, "okay, i just wanted to tell someone about all this Bond stuff. how disappointed i am with the celebrities." i said okay and he only replied, "okay, thank you."

weird.