ramblings

i feel like i should post because i haven't in awhile. but i've got this huge headache and feel kind of nauseous and dizzy so i can't really organize my thoughts well. everything's a jumble...ideas zipping around in my brain. wanna peek?

****

weddings are a weird thing. at the beginning you discover that it's not really about you. it's about your family and your friends and everything else. then you get frustrated and decide that it SHOULD be about you. it's your big day and you should do whatever makes you happy (though i guess i can compromise and not wear flip flops with my wedding dress). and if that means excluding someone from being a bridesmaid because there's just no more damn room, then so be it. i'll just have to suck it up and apologize to her. and if that means choosing the maid of honor that i think can actually help me the most with practical things like organizing showers and going dress shopping, then so be it. it's not a popularity contest. it just means that i can use her and take advantage of her the most. and if i don't want to invite certain people to the wedding, then so be it.
oh, who am i kidding. i will feel so guilty that i'll have to invite those people.

****

when your sister's boyfriend calls you at 10:30pm and says that your sister's missing, don't freak out. and when he calls you at 11:30pm and says that he's really worried and can't find her, don't freak out. when he calls you at 12:30am and says that he's going to drive around and look for her, don't freak out. when it's 1:00am and you can't fall asleep because you're so worried about your sister who you aren't even nice to, don't think of the worst case scenarios. and when your flaky, party-loving sister calls you at 1:30am to say that she's just been out with some friends, don't cry, don't yell at her, and just get the hell to sleep so you're not exhausted at work the next morning.

edited to note: there were strange circumstances regarding my sister's night (that were not mentioned above) which really would have led any sane person to worry.

****

i wonder if it's going to rain soon.

****

seeing yourself on camera is never good. seeing yourself on a big tv is also never good. seeing yourself on the "matchstick men" dvd standing next to ridley scott is also never good. but kind of cool.

****