you're really racist, ya know. no, seriously, you are. and you are and you are and you are...

so, here's the thing about "crash". sure, my hatred of the movie has developed and grown as the year has gone on because it has been receiving so much attention and so many awards. when i first walked out of the theater i just thought it wasn't that good. john's immediate hatred has been well documented but i just thought it was extremely over-rated. my main problem with it was the lack of subtlety. i've never seen a more ridiculously obvious movie that was trying so so hard to be controversial.

"In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."

see, it's a metaphor. MET-A-PHOR. because there is a literal car crash in the movie (several in fact, why stop at one?) but it's also indicative of different races and cultures crashing into each other. get it?

i absolutely died laughing during 'crash's' best song number because the production was just as heavy handed as the film itself.

complete with a burning car and representations of all of the characters on stage, it was extremely moving. moving, that is, if you are an old white man with a lot of guilt. i suppose anyway. the real gem, and i'm sorry i couldn't find a picture of this, is when the guy dressed as a cop got behind a woman in a dress and reached through her legs and up her skirt, simulating a scene in the movie. just precious.

all that being said, i don't think 'crash' won best picture because the academy wasn't ready to give it to a gay movie. i just don't buy into that. in my tiny experience, i think that there is far more opportunity for homosexuals than minorities in this town. i've worked with many gay men and women but i unfortunately have to say that i've worked with very few black, asian, or latino men and women. basically none of the movies were stellar this year so it opened the door to a mediocre movie to come in and win. 'crash' won because the producers and lion's gate studio staged a HUGE marketing campaign in which they sent out more DVD screeners than any other film in history. it's an ensemble movie so when a large portion of the voters are actors, they love to vote for 'actor-y' films. besides, you know ludacris has a huge academy posse voting for him. and let's not underestimate the power of oprah who was hawking this movie for months.

to sum up my 'crash' lessons... thandie newton weighs 80 lbs and cannot act, in 2005 matt dillon was better in 'herbie: fully loaded', brendan fraser will forever be encino man, latino men with tattoos have cute kids, tony danza is totally underrated, and i better be more careful when i make racial slurs in public now.