golden globes

So of course I was joined by some of my favorite ladies last night as we watched the Globes and the red carpet. I have to say that the actual awards show was one of the best ones in a long time. Lots of interesting winners and touching speeches. Ricky Gervais' presenter speech was absolutely hysterical which is odd since I don't really love him. Then Tracy Morgan accepted the "30 Rock" award and I almost fell out of my chair. Combine that with my girl Kate Winslet winning two awards and it was awesome. Of course, Kate got to publicly declare her love for Leo which was rad. Other highlights included a completely anorexic Sally Hawkins accepting her best actress award (totally overwhelmed with emotion), a lovely Slumdog Millionaire cast getting so choked up as their film won, a tearful Marty Scorsese presenting Spielberg with the Lifetime Achievement, a funny Tina Fey telling her haters to "suck it", Alec Baldwin being Alec Baldwin, Colin Farrell all cleaned up, looking good, and winning an acting award, and Paul Giamatti, Laura Linney, and Tom Hanks accepting "John Adams" awards and showing why they are all classy professionals. But f- all that class. Let's talk about fashion.

All in all, an extremely underwhelming red carpet due to one unescapable trend - nude and bland colors. We decided that stylists told their stars it was a recession so they had to not be showy and wear nudes, beiges, taupes, and other colors that completely wash people out.

TTHE BLAND LEADING THE BLAND

Salma Hayek can wear any color under the sun and she chooses a boring beige.

Amanda Seyfried was great on "Veronica Mars" and is also fantastic on "Big Love" but ugh, bland color. AND WILL THE ONE SHOULDER TREND PLEASE DIE ALREADY?! How many years must we endure it?

Isla Fisher's color is boring but I really don't like the dress either.

America Ferrera has been looking hot lately in some red and maroon dresses that I've seen her in yet she chooses to wear this dress which is a boring gray but most importantly, a totally unflattering style.

Penelope Cruz can be va va voom but this color is LAME.

Beyonce. No.

Demi Moore is damn hot for her age but I still think she should have chosen a color.

Kristin Scott Thomas has been quality from way back in the "Four Weddings and a Funeral" days but this dress is boring. She looks lovely but the color is blah.

Elizabeth Banks seems like a funny, normal girl who I would want to hang out with. Which is why I think this dress is not only pale pink and washes her out, but it's too "soft" for her. Pretty dress I guess but didn't love it on her.

Angelina Jolie practically lives in grey. But I guess she can do no wrong.

One of the dresses I sort of liked in a washed out color was (oddly enough), Vanessa Hudgens.

And here's the other pale dress I liked on Brooke Burke.

NICE CLOSE-UP

Some people got their hair and make-up quite right.

While I think Amy Adam's dress is not quite right for her (never liked her in black), but I think her soft hair, make-up, and earrings are lovely.

I never love Laura Linney's dress choices (though this isn't too bad), but I thought her close-up was nice and I liked her earrings. :-)

WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

Rachel Griffiths seems like a rad woman...smart, not anorexic, a good actress...but her fashion choices are odd. This dress is wrinkled the minute she steps out of the car and it appears to just be wrapped and draped very oddly.

Will someone please give Rita Wilson a reality check? Remind her of her age and that she is not now (nor ever was) a supermodel. What in the hell kind of silver fringe sparkly number is that?

Blake Lively is a very attractive, very young woman on a show that basically exists to show off fashion. So why is she wearing a bad prom dress? Really? Not good. And fix your hair.

Melissa George was kind of good on "In Treatment" but I don't understand this dress. Again, it's like folded over but what is that? A plastic bow?

Maggie Gyllenhaal, really? Really?! Teal leopard print? Yuck.

Jennifer Lopez, you never disappoint. So predictable. Even if it is a gold shimmer scarf draped around you.

Taraji P. Henson, you are good in "Benji Button" but this fabric is heinous. Which designer would actually choose it to make a dress?

RAD OLD PERSON AWARD

Susan Sarandon. Cool.

TRAGIC OLD PERSON AWARD

Glenn Close. My god, Glenn. You are not 80. You just ran a marathon last year. Why are you doing this to yourself?

COLOR!

A few people chose to wear color with varying degrees of success.

I will admit that Eva Longoria looked good even though it's pretty plain.

Loved this color blue on Jennifer Morrison from "House". (Though the hair was wrong.)

Christina Applegate chose a bright yellow and I am so happy that she's triumphed through her breast cancer and come out looking lovely, but I don't really like this dress.

Kyra Sedgwick also chose red but I don't like this dress. Plus, as usual, she looks too skinny and her hair was cemented in place which looked odd.

I realize Anna Paquin is only wearing a dark plum color, but I like it. I thought she looked lovely and I was glad "True Blood" got some love.

Jenna Fischer seems like a very nice person. And is just so cute on "The Office". But goddamn she picks the worst dresses. This print is not good. Worst of all was her TERRIBLE hair. I couldn't find a picture of the back of her hair but it was atrocious. Poor girl.

Mary Louise Parker is one crazy ho but she looks rad. Gorgeous color.

Cameron Diaz is a hot mess as usual but for some reason I love this. LOVE IT.

WORST CULPRITS OF THE "NAPKIN" TREND

While the one-shoulder trend has persevered, I can't imagine this napkin trend will last. It's hideous.

Eva Mendes was the biggest culprit which is sad because I think she is one of the most gorgeous women working today.

Kate Beckinsale could use that napkin at the top of her dress as a bib...if she ever ate anything.

I realize Heidi Klum's "napkin" is more of a flower, but still...not good. Hard to make a tall supermodel look good, but she accomplished it!

APPLAUSE FOR A GIRL WHO DOESN'T USE A STYLIST!

Love it or hate it, at least Marisa Tomei is interesting and an individual.

TERRIBLE HAIR AWARD

Debra Messing takes the cake for worst hair I think. I don't think this pic does it justice because it was the biggest, ugliest, fake ponytail I've ever seen.

Tina Fey never does "dress up" very well. I think she's more comfortable in jeans and sneakers. But damn, this hair is bad. The tease up and over in the front reminded me of 6th grade.

Megan Fox is a young gorgeous girl but this hair is too severe.

DISAPPOINTING WOMEN I STILL LOVE

Anne Hathaway is edging towards unlikable lately but I'm going to keep enjoying her until she does something really egregious. This dress almost gets her there but not quite.

Sandra Bullock. Sandy! My girl! This is boring.

Oh Kate Winslet. How I adore you. Total class act, beyond talented, seem to be smart yet can tell a good dirty joke. Have a lifelong really cool friendship with Leo. And right now your body is rad. You might possibly be at your peak. So why are you wearing this boring dress? Black? Stale silhouette? I expect more at the Oscars.

MOST ADORABLE COUPLE

Okay, they are not a couple, but Frieda Pinto and Dev Patel from "Slumdog Millionaire" are so cute.

WORST. IN ANY AND EVERY CATEGORY.

And the honor goes to Renee Zellweger. Wow. Beyond tragic hair. And a dress that I can't fathom. The top is...see through? The bottom is a tight mermaid? She looks like she is constipated? Having an accident? I don't understand.

CRAZY...BUT I LOVE THEM.

The male winner has to be Mickey Rourke obviously.

But the female? My girl crush of course! Drew Barrymore!!! I actually really liked her dress. I would have liked it better in a color but I think it was a lovely cut and look great on her. But then there's her hair. It's teased, it's poufed, it's hairsprayed in place. It doesn't look good. Yet...does it? She is rad and crazy so YES IT DOES.

clearly she doesn't know me

The other day I was meeting a friend and I got to the movie theater a little early. I had to kill some time so what else could I do but head to Nordstrom's next door for a little shopping. I ended up finding this sweet coat (which I don't need) and I headed to the nearest register to check out. This register of course happened to be in the Junior Brass Plum section. And I enjoy Brass Plum but I do fear that I am a little older than their target audience. As the hipster teen totaled up my purchases she said, "Are you sure you don't need some extra leggings?" Excuse me? Do I look like I wear leggings? Or that I would need extra pairs that I would throw onto my purchase like a pack of gum? NO. "No leggings for me, thanks."

uniform

Every time my alarm goes off at o'dark thirty and I have to get a shower, blow dry my hair, and pick out clothes, I really wish that I had short hair and a uniform to wear every day. So much time would be saved. I bring this up only because our producer does, in fact, have a uniform. He wears the same thing EVERY DAY. This may seem like an exaggeration but, no. Literally the same thing every day. Black t-shirt, jeans, and white Chucks. That is it. I heard him say that he owns 25 black Banana Republic t-shirts, 10 pairs of Lucky jeans, and 4 pairs of Converse. Never seen him in anything else. This makes sense because he is all over the place and says that he doesn't have time to think about such a little thing like wardrobe. Oh, to be a man.

emmys 2007 - fashion!

Well, as bad as the Emmy Awards were, at least the ladies mixed it up a little on the red carpet. I still wish there were less stylists and more train wrecks, but at least people discovered color this year. And there were LOTS of colors. Some prettier than others.

First category...

FABULOUS AND OVER 45

I give it up to the older women who still look damn good. Starting with the younger ones, Julia Louis-Dreyfus looked pretty damn good for 47. We all agreed that she clearly has fake boobs but the dress color was fantastic and so was her hair and makeup.

At 49, Michelle Pfeiffer sure knows how to stick with what works. The same little black dress, the same down and tussled hair. God knows how much botox she's had, but she's hot.

Glenn Close is apparently 60 and is so ripped she could kick my ass.

As usual, Helen Mirren rules the school. Her hair was a bit casual but her purple dress and clear plastic stripper shoes are awesome.

But my favorite mature woman has to be Sally Field. I know I have a soft spot for her but damn, I really respect that she hasn't gone under the knife, hasn't botoxed herself, and dresses like she should.

RED IS IN APPARENTLY

Red was all over the red carpet which is great because everyone looks good in red. The problem was that a lot of the red dresses looked the same - red unforgiving satin.

Ali Larter is tall, skinny, blonde, and young so she can pretty much where anything including just a drape of red satin. And it looks pretty great.

Ginnifer Goodwin from "Big Love" mixed up the cut a little bit and she looks pretty cute.

Mary Louise Parker is a striking woman and I like her in this dress but I wish she would stop being weird and start smiling. Also, FYI, she adopted a baby from Africa over the weekend. Who knew?

My favorite red satin dress is probably this PREGNANT woman from "entourage". Funny.

A big disappoint for me though was Kate Walsh. She is beautiful but I am not digging this dress on her. The red is nice of course but everything is too droopy...the fabric and her boobs. I would like everything to be lifted. And the make-up is too extreme I think. More on the hair later.

WHEN BAD CLOTHES HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

Jenna Fischer again picks a terrible terrible dress to wear. What's with this girl? She's funny, she seems nice and down to earth, yet she keeps picking dresses that look like bed linens with huge bows. Poor girl.

Now who doesn't love them some good Minnie Driver? I usually do but I was not into this color. No, no, no. And even the cut of the dress is unflattering. Show off that surfer bod Minnie!

I usually give it up for my larger lady love Sara Ramirez but I couldn't get behind this one. I don't get all the layers and the cut, don't like the peek-a-boo hole, and I'm not in love with the hair. Bummer.

And speaking of... I've seen America Ferrara look gorgeous and lovely in some very flattering kick-ass dresses. This is not one of those times.

Felicity Huffman needs to start eating.

MOST IMPROVED

These ladies surprised me because I usually don't like they're wearing.

Debra Messing for instance usually looks like crap but I liked this.

And, granted, Kathy Griffin is no supermodel but she's really trying here.

Sandra Oh has made some weird choices but I thought this looked nice.

You may disagree with me, but I don't hate Teri Hatcher here.

BAD, BAD, WORST

Hated Vanessa Williams' feather dress.

Tina Fey should never try to dress up.

Hey, Rebecca Romijn, you're supposed to be a model. This is unflattering and unattractive and your hair and make-up is scaring me.

Patricia Heaton's dress looks like puke green.

Kyra Sedgwick has a horrible trumpeted and fringe thing going on here. No good.

Paula Abdul. Yup.

This yellow piece of fabric on Lara Spencer from "The Insider" is one of the most heinous excuses for a dress I've ever seen.

Hayden Panettiere lost my vote twice...once for this awards dress which overwhelms her tiny body and once for this after party dress which appears to have feathers glued on.

Kate Walsh disappointed me with her dress but her bigger crime was the hair. What in the f*&% is going on here? Is that a hairstyle I didn't know about? Hairspraying one piece of hair to hell on the side of your face? And she may be hitting the botox which also makes me sad. Dammit. Used to be one of my favorite people on TV...

I didn't love Ellen Pompeo's dress but even if I had, her hair would have scared me enough to make me take it back. Mother of God, how did she do that too herself?

YAY!

Yay for Kristin Bell from one of my favorite shows "Veronica Mars".

Yay for Katherine Heigl even though she overacts.

Yay for Marcia Cross for looking fab a few months after having twins. (The jury's still out on the earrings though.)

Yay for Eva Longoria. She may be annoying and over-exposed, but she usually looks damn good.

Now, this is a risky Yay, but I'm giving it to Becki Newton from "Ugly Betty". Yes, the dress is weird, but I like her hair and I think she looks lovely.

My biggest, loudest YAY definitely goes to Rashida Jones from "The Office". Maybe a weird choice but I liked the color, like the twisted braided straps, and just thought it was a flattering choice for her.

oscars 2007

Well, another year and another Oscars telecast. As usual, the Oscars were far more boring than The Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, the Emmys...hell, even the Independent Spirit Awards which were on this weekend. I was pretty bummed because it was a lackluster telecast for two reasons. 1) The fashion was TERRIBLE. No one looked good. and 2) the host was not good. Not Good. I'm looking at you Ellen Degeneres.

Ellen wasn't funny and I just didn't think her quirky stuff worked. I missed having a big opening song and dance number (a la Billy Crystal), an amazingly hysterical pre-taped bit (a la Jon Stewart), or just plain damn funny monalogue (a la Steve Martin). She just did a stand up routine that wasn't funny at all. And I actually like Ellen so I gave her a fair shot. But, umm, no. Please don't invite her back.

Then there was the red carpet. Oh me, oh my. Almost every single person blew it. These people have perfect bodies and all the resources in the world for hair, make-up, and clothing, and they can't get it right. Amazing. Let's break it down.

Before I tear down the ladies, I must give props to the men. There were some hot men in attendance this year and I didn't mind looking at them.

THE MEN

Ryan Gosling is the love of my life and if you saw him accept his award at the Independent Spirit Awards you would understand why.

I find Clive Owen scrumptious and it's not just because of his accent.

I certainly can't explain it, but I think Robert Downey Jr has been looking okay lately. I think maturity (and sobriety) becomes him.

James McAvoy certainly doesn't look amazing but I do love him.

Daniel Craig...yummy.

And I love this two from Mexico - Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal. It's probably just because Diego was in Dirty Dancing 2.

But the standout male of the evening was probably Mark Wahlberg. Now, I'd like to note that out of everyone, I think Wahlberg's wife/girlfriend looked the best of all the females. Sure, she's a former model, but I thought her dress was awesome. So it's all downhill from here.

THE ORANGE

As usual people went overboard with the fake tan. This resulted in a very orange glow.

Leo was a prime suspect because he's never looked so orange (or so bloated). Sorry Leo.

I usually love Isla Fisher but I just could not get into this look. Besides looking orange, the bust was too low, and the satin didn't do her any favors. Bummer.

THE UGLY...and these people deserve it

Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce. This girl can not dress herself. Her dress had these huge stones/rocks on the top and it just looked ridiculous. Sadly, when she changed to perform on stage, I really enjoyed her dress but that doesn't make up for the 80s rocks.

Eddie Murphy is a tool and his "date" looked straight out of the 80s. The comment was made that Eddie would probably snort coke off of her dress mirrors later in the evening.

This girl is somewhat of a troll. Okay, that may be a little too harsh for Kirsten Dunst, but she really can not dress. I give her props for actually washing her hair and putting on makeup (a step up from most of her looks), but this dress is terrible.

Jada Pinkett Smith is always so predictable. You watch. She always wears a strapless straight dress that is a little tight and that makes her look man-ish. And she always, ALWAYS, chooses a crazy color.

I was not feeling Gwyneth Paltrow last night. She's let her hair grow WAY out and insists on wearing it to one side all the time. The color was slightly daring but I didn't like the cut. No go for me.

Then there was Jennifer Hudson. This was her night. She looked great at the Globes so I had high hopes. I mean, she's been planning this outfit for months. Then she comes out in this. There are so many things wrong with this ensemble. The gold bolero jacket is TERRIBLE. Her clenched fists in the pockets are terrible. And the side ponytail is terrible. Bad bad bad. With the jacket off as she accepted the award, she looked better. The color worked. But then imagine my surprise when I saw her in this backstage immediately after she won the award. What the hell? When did she have time to change? How much of a diva is she? And why change into an ugly gold dress that doesn't flatter your curves? I just don't understand.

Speaking of not understanding, can someone tell me what happened to Rose McGowan's face?

But the worst dressed of the night had to be Bond Girl Eva Green. I don't even know what to say. I don't know what's going on here. I mean, take a look at this closeup. Terrible make-up, terrible hair, and she appears to have wrapped tulle around some lace or stone detail. The topper is that she appears to be trying to look "sexy" or "dangerous" and failing miserably.

THE BAD...sadly, on good people

This is a long long category. That's because 90% of everyone I like chose to dress like crap. How hard is it to look in the mirror?

Let's start with Anne Hathaway. Sure, she does have somewhat of a spotty fashion record, but I had high hopes. Unfortunately, those hopes were beaten to death by a giant black bow. Ugh.

Her partner in crime Emily Blunt looked better but not great. I don't understand the sparkly fabric fad. The third Dreamgirl sported the same fabric and I didn't like it on her either.

For some reason, I tend to like Jessica Biel. She's sporty and seems fairly normal. But this dress didn't do her any favors. I suppose I admire the color risk. But not really. But the natural waist belt that has to go up to clear her rear end is not good. And her nipples are all over the place. Plus it looks like she got her hair permed and then pulled it back. I'm just not impressed.

Cate Blanchett is a pretty fashion forward gal. She takes risks and sometime she looks good and sometimes not. But I thought this was a) not risky and b) looked like crap. The color is so depressing which is sad because Cate looks great in color (remember the purple gown? or the yellow?). And the heavy metal fabric of the gown weighed her down. And don't even get me started on the one strap.

Elisabeth Shue - tragic.

Jennifer Lopez has been doing so well lately. She's looked hot and svelte and very put together. But here she drags out the bob hair that I hate and bedazzles the top of her gown. (And her undead husband doesn't help matters.)

Meryl, you crack me up.

Please, let's all say it together Rachel Weisz, satin flatters NO ONE'S body. Don't wear it. Besides, the dress is sort of lame and the necklace is too heavy.

I really like Penelope Cruz but the bodice was too much, the train was too much, and the hair was too severe. Not into it.

Amy Adams, you need some color honey.

I adore Natalie Portman but this didn't do anything for me.

Rashida Jones may be on one of my favorite shows The Office, but this dress is hideous. Just hideous. I hope Pam gets Jim. She clearly does not deserve him.

Victoria Beckham's starting to scare me.

The biggest disappoint of the night by far was my beloved Kate Winslet. Oh the tragedy. I love her so. This color washes her out, I hate the one strap, it's not that flattering, and her make-up and hair looks off. Maybe her brows are too dark? Sad, sad, sad.

THE MEDIOCRE
I can't even elevate them to good.

Maggie Gyllenhaal - I guess she just had a baby but that doesn't require a strap.

Celine Dion - Am I really saying this? God help me.

Jodie Foster - A little boring my friend.

Kelly Preston - Yes, I know she's wearing animal print but at least it woke me out of my coma and she looked good.

Cameron Diaz - It's a weird dress but the girl can wear white. And I loved her earrings.

Portia Di Rossi - She's too too thin but I did like the dress. She wears the same cut all the time so she knows what looks good on her.

Naomi Watts is bordering on bad because of the sleeve things but I'll give it up. She looks okay for being pregnant.

Madonna = I actually think Madonna pulled it together quite nicely here. Her hair and make-up looks good and i don't even hate all the bondage straps at the top of the dress. Well played.

THE GOOD?

Abigail Breslin wore the princess dress that I would have wanted to wear when I was 10. Awesome.

I hate to say it but I think Katie looks good. Her husband got a regular haircut so he doesn't look so crazy, and I like that color on her. Don't get me wrong, they are still freaks, but they look good.

Now, this is a controversial choice, but I liked Nicole's dress. I do realize it has a large bow on the shoulder. I can see that. But the girl is 10 feet tall and a stick and can wear anything. I think the color looks good on her and her hair and make-up look great.

The cute as a button award goes to Reese Witherspoon. This girl is just cute. I didn't always love her but she's growing on me. This purple color looks nice and she just looks fresh and not overdone. I didn't like the ruffles when the camera panned down, but I forgive them.

Honestly, the one who looked like a million bucks last night was Helen Mirren. I mean, really. This is how it's done people. Look at this closeup! Anyone would be lucky to look this hot at any age, let alone 60.

Now, I'm going to get a lot of grief for this, but I'll just say it. Oprah was wearing my favorite dress of the evening. Okay, granted, I'm an Oprah fan. But hear me out. This dress is kind of cool. It works on the curvy girl and it's something I would actually wear if I was brave enough to wear anything besides solid colors. It looks comfortable and fun and I'm into it. So there!

GGs 2007

longest post ever? sorry for the delay!

Wow. I can't remember an awards show where I gathered soo many pictures of stars and dresses. Everyone was at the Beverly Hilton last night for this shindig and it was a fairly entertaining show. I hope Taryn was watching because this show was built for her. Hugh Laurie AND Jeremy Irons win! Other British people win! What a night. I was sad that "The Office" didn't win but I knew "Ugly Betty" would win because they love those newbies. But the fact that "Dreamgirls" beat "Little Miss Sunshine" is a bit ludicrous. And during the supporting actor category (which was quite stacked), I turned to Stacey and said, please, anyone BUT Eddie Murphy. No one heard my pleas because apparently he won an award for doing a James Brown impression. Good for him. But on to the dresses...

As I was watching the red carpet on tv last night, I thought two things. One, "Awesome! People are actually trying new things!" And two, "Wow, why does everyone look pregnant and fat." Then this morning I get up and look at all of the photos and most of the people don't look fat. So I don't know what to tell you. Apparently the camera really does add 10 pounds.

So here's what I've got. Sorry it's so long....

Bad, bad, bad

Julia Louis-Dreyfus just looks bad. The color looks gold in this picture but on tv it was sort of a puke green-gold which may explain the look on her face.

I don't dislike these two and I'm glad they enjoy being sisters, but the Arquette girls never look good. The picture actually doesn't do justice to this tragedy but a full lace casing is never a good idea.

I think that Gillian Anderson had a baby recently but I still am not enjoying her mother of the bride outfit. Just too old and too boring.

Nicolette Sheridan always dresses a little off. I'm not into this dress. It reminds me of the old Barbie dresses that my mom had when she was a kid. Not into it.

Sure, I can't remember what she was wearing, but Mary Louise Parker's devil eyes are burning a hole in my skull.

I'm sure Kyra Sedgwick is a lovely person. She seems really nice. But I am tired of some TNT show winning over people I actually like. This monstronsity of a dress also doesn't look that bad but, trust me, straight on I felt like the top part was a 24-Hour Playtex bra that a 50 year old would wear. And, sadly, she had so much botox in her face that it didn't even move during her acceptance speech.

Um, no Hilary Swank. Don't like that hair.

I never thought Tina Fey was all that attractive. And her facial expression in this picture doesn't do her any favors. But damn that dress was lame. The top embroidery was ugly and the short poufy skirt was too young for her. She looked silly.

Ellen Pompeo. Better than purple velvet..but still, No.

It's my opinion that Courtney Cox was the prettiest "Friend". But this dress doesn't do her any favors.

Vanessa Williams is a joke. Her hair is heinous (and the color didn't even match her real hair in the front) and why is she wearing fur! Please just act your age and go away.

Oh, poor poor Jennifer Love Hewitt. I like her. She seems adorable. Every crew member I know who has worked for her says that she is really nice. But this dress....yikes! As SJ said, it looks like a terrible bridesmaids dress from Sophisticated Lady at the local mall. Not a good choice. And on tv it made her look as wide as a truck in the hips. Which is know is not true! She looks good from the shoulders up but that was just a bad choice.

And, last but not least, Beyonce. Oh, Beyonce, I almost feel bad for you. Jennifer Hudson AND Eddie Murphy won and neither of them thanked you in their speeches. But then you show up looking like a video ho and I can't feel sorry for you. You want to win an Oscar and you're dressing like this? Not going to get it done girlfriend. Sorry.

When bad dresses happen to "good" people (because we know no actresses are truly "good")

Jenna Fisher is adorable on "The Office". But everytime I see her I wish I could give her some Spanx and a push-up bra.

Annette Bening is something of an enigma to me. She's a great actress but in interviews she's extremely cold and somehow she's married to that senile Warren Beatty. But this dress is weird. ANOTHER person in white but I didn't understand the rectangles at the top. Weird.

This is a tough one because I thought Jennifer Garner looked cute close up (13 Going on 30!), but then when I saw her dress, I was bummed. The lines are weird and it was an extremely heavy beaded dress. Wasn't a huge fan. But damn she's buff.

Jessica Biel works out all the time. Seriously. Every time I see her she is exercising. And she has a rad body. But I wasn't a fan of this heavy beaded dress that changed color around her ass. Um, no. Her hair and earrings were pretty though.

From this picture, I don't know how I can include Selma Hayek in the bad, but really, this looked terrible on tv. The draping around her stomach made her come off as pregnant and her hair looked incredibly flat. Of course, I look at this picture and all I see is a gorgeous woman with huge bazongas so what do I know.

Cate Blanchett is awesome. She sometimes looks amazing and sometimes, like now looks terrible. But at least she's shaking it up. I have higher hopes for the Oscars.

I love my Katherine Heigl but I don't like her in black. I didn't like the dress and the headshot also leaves me cold. She did her hair just like that at the Emmy's and I think I would prefer it down and softer. That's just me.

Cameron, I'm trying to like you even with your tall gorgeous body and legs, but this is making it very difficult.

I think Kate Walsh is stunning on "Grey's Anatomy". But I hated her look last night. I didn't like the hair, I didn't like how it made her boobs look squished and tiny, and I didn't like how it made her look pregnant. Not into it.

But no one made me more sad than Kate Winslet. I adore her. But I just thought this dress was so blah and did nothing for her. She's pale so I think she looks good in colors (aka not white) and I thought it made her boobs look bad and her stomach. Boo! Again, I can only hope for more at the Oscars.

Bravo!

I love this woman. Meryl Streep may be over 50 but this lady knows how to look good while dressing her age. Her speech was the highlight of the night, for me, and I just hope I get to see more of her this awards season.

Ali Larter is on a show I don't like ("Heroes") and I don't think she's a great actress, but this was my favorite white dress of the night. This head-on picture makes the plunge seem a little extreme but it really was a gorgeous dress.

I have mixed feelings towards Jennifer Lopez but I thought she looked good. She's a beautiful woman and lately she's been looking pretty damn awesome. (New trainer? new tan applicator man?) Maybe not everyone likes this look but I do.

Kinda of a big dress but Penelope Cruz is so pretty that the face and hair overcomes all.

It's not easy for the big girls, but I thought Jennifer Hudson looked great and better than Beyonce. And Sara Ramirez, even with her hair in that 50s wave, still looked good in red.

Emily Blunt was on Craig Ferguson a few nights ago and looked stunning. So I had high hopes for her at the GGs. She didn't look as good but she sure fit in this dress quite perfectly.

Bravo to Felicity Huffman for looking as good as she's ever looked. I love this color on her and her hair looked great. I'm not sure what she's doing with her hand but, cut her some slack. She doesn't pose for a living because she's busy raising kids and using her brain.

I haven't seen that many Sienna Miller movies...In fact, I've only seen one. And all of my ideas of her come from an affair with a douchebag actor who seems to like to sleep around. But, when it comes down to it, Sienna is cute. Sure, this dress is a little weird but she looked great. And I know you're going to say that you don't like the hair but I do! She had barely any make-up on and cute earrings and seems excited and I loved it.

Take note all you aging starlets (I'm looking at you Sharon Stone), Helen Mirren knows how to dress and she looks hot.

Have I mentioned that I adore Drew Barrymore? Maybe Drew's dress wasn't the flashiest, but she looked so soft and pretty. She's absolutely adorable and reminds me of cotton candy and pink wet n' wild lipstick. (Which is good.)

But my favorite of the night, and this shocks me, was probably Reese Witherspoon. I first saw her from the shoulders up and thought she looked really bright and shiny and happy. The single life is clearly agreeing with her. They then panned down to the dress. At first I was horrified by the yellow. But then it grew on me. Then I saw more and more pictures and suddenly I think she's rad. That's how it happens people.

And the rest...

Most uncomfortable on the red carpet...Chloe from "24".

Most metallic...Sandra Oh.

Longest fake ponytail...Hayden Panatierre.

Cutest girl, best body, in a weird dress...Evangeline Lilly.

Outfit that looked most awesome on tv and least awesome on-line...Eva Longoria.

Skinniest housewife I know...Teri Hatcher.

Squintiest face - Lifetime Achievement...Renee Zellweger.

Biggest reason why I'm excited to get older...the women of "Big Love". Jeanne Tripplehorn looks the happiest and best of them all!

And because they need a category all to their own...Brangelina. I had read that she was forced to wear a St. John's dress because she does their ads and that she didn't like their dresses. Probably because this was the best one they had. Which isn't very good. But combined with the gold jewelry and severe bun, Angelina scared me. To my core. Her semi-interview with Ryan Seacrest was absolutely painful and I just don't know what to make of this woman. How hard it must be to walk among the mortals. I am not fit to look at her and she knows it.

Golden Globes! Wow. Interesting fashion night because people finally ditched the plain black dress. Fishtails and white were in...as was looking 20 pounds heavier. Lots to say. But it takes a little time to comb through it all...especially when I have a job. So stay tuned.

well played

I've said a few bad things about Ellen Pompeo in my day. She's my least favorite character on "Grey's Anatomy" and most of the time she looks anorexic, yellow, and unhealthy. I still saddened by her last award show appearance in purple velvet and a slicked back ponytail. But I have to give props when props are due.

At the People's Choice Awards she looked completely healthy with glowing skin and good hair. Sure, heavy on the eye liner but much improved! Well played Ellen!

i hate belts

My hatred of belts stems from the fact that people abuse them. A few months ago Keira Knightley broke out this little ensemble:


Which is bizarre and weird but somehow she sort of pulls it off. Maybe it's because she has no boobs so it's basically like putting it around her waist. And it's strapless so maybe that makes it better. I'm not condoning it, I'm just saying that it didn't bother me as much as this:


This is NOT okay. Sure, Jennifer Connelly may be pregnant so who cares about the belly bump. But pregnancy is no excuse for putting a belt around your very ample chest area. NO excuse. I can't think of a more ridiculous outfit I've seen on an actress that I somewhat admire.

Don't let this happen to you.

the best and worst emmy's

and i don't mean the best and the worst of the emmys. i mean this was the best emmy show i've ever watched and the worst. conan o'brien was an amazing host and the bits he did were the funniest i've seen on an awards show in a long time. i won't try to explain them because i'm sure i couldn't do them justice. but, if you saw it, you know what i mean. but, the winners! totally the worst choices i've seen in years and years. it's like the academy is totally out of touch with reality. i realize that it's just my opinion....i just think my opinion is correct. is tony shaloub really funnier than steve carrell? so much funnier that he has to win THREE YEARS IN A ROW?! um, no. kiefer sutherland? so his yelling into a cell phone is betting acting than denis leary? not to mention that you're saying he's better than the folks NOT nominated from 'the sopranos', 'deadwood', 'big love', and 'the wire'? yeah, i don't think so. and '24' beats all of the dramas?!! the only award i was happy about was when 'the office' won. still...

as usual, in the absence of excellent winners, the only thing left to talk about is fashion. so let's get right down to it.

the 'experts' tell me that purple was very in as well as lace and asymetrical straps. so that's what everyone was wearing. of course. how daring. let's start with the good...

THE GOOD

evangeline lilly from 'lost'. as indifferent as i am to her, she looked really good last night. of course, when you're beautiful and petite and athletic, i'm sure it's easy to look good...but it was a very nice dress.

lisa edelstein from 'house'. this is a shout-out to taryn because i know she loves that show. but i thought lisa looked very lovely. i like the simple dress and the detail at the waist is nice. good use of the trendy lace without having to look like a doily from head to toe.

jaime pressley from 'my name is earl'. truth is, i have a soft spot for this woman. maybe it's because she's so funny on the show and maybe it's because she's from white trash and is clearly loving being in hollywood, but i liked her in this dress.

kate walsh from 'grey's anatomy'. okay, i love her. i always think she is absolutely gorgeous on the show and while this dress isn't my taste, i think she rocks it.

and, finally, virginia madsen. madsen isn't young or tiny so i've gotta give it up to a voluptuous woman who looks so good. sure, it's all lace but i really think it's flattering and beautiful. and, sure, from the side angle i was worried her boob was going to pop out, but she pulled it off.

THE UGLY

for a supermodel, tyra banks sure is wearing an ugly dress. i HATE asymetrical straps and this one has an ugly hard bow on it. and the lines are the dress are bad. and i hate mermaid dresses because they accentuate huge thighs and asses. and her wig is frightening.

i'm not a fan of debra messing anyways, but this dress is seriously unflattering.

paula abdul. what a delight this woman is. she always looks terrible and i am constantly amazed at the things she chooses to wear. i think i had this dress back in 1991 when i went to her concert. it still doesn't look good.

jeremy piven is a tool.

i am not a fan of kim raver from '24'. and no matter how many people tell me yellow is in, i don't believe it.

white pillowcases make eva longoria look bad. and i don't mind.

but the WORST, had to be ellen pompeo from 'grey's anatomy'. everything about it is terrible. her weird slicked back hair, her crushed velvet in 100 degree heat...it's just terrible. the only good thing i can say is that she looked much healthier than the last red carpet she was on. i couldn't quite see her rib cage and collarbone so that was a plus.

WHEN BAD CLOTHES HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

sandra oh is pretty rad. i love her. but i just don't think i like this dress. maybe it's the ruffles or maybe it's all the crazy jewelry, but i'm disappointed.

don't put a waistband that low tina fey. just don't.

cheryl hines...you're funny and i like you but don't bedazzle your formal emmy dress.

elizabeth perkins has been rad for years. but i don't understand this dress. the color would have been good on her but the large lace pattern doesn't do her any favors. and i HATE the rope around her boobs. yuck.

the saddest tragedy of the night for me was jenna fischer. i adore her on 'the office'. and she did this promo piece for E! where they went shopping with her. she tried on all of these cute dresses and THIS is what she came up with?! terrible. the color washed her out and she looked pregnant and the bow top made her boobs look weird. sad.
upon another glance at the photo, all i have to say is that she and jim are adorable. how could i say something bad about her? i'm wrong.

SPLIT DECISIONS

portia de rossi...i still don't know.

kyra sedgwick is a cool woman and overall she looked good. but the big flower thing perplexes me.

oh, my katherine heigl. how i love you in 'grey's anatomy'. and you seem like a normal girl who would be fun. and you look better than you usually do. but a tad too much mystic tan and too much copying charlize. you can get your own style and look awesome!

BEST DRESSED IN HER 40s

definitely julia louis-dreyfus. i thought she looked pretty damn good!

BEST DRESSED IN HER 50s

jane kaczmarek is a mom in her 50s but this color looks really nice on her and she looks well put together.

BEST DRESSED IN HER 60s

give it up for helen mirren. an amazing actress who looks classy and dresses her age.

PREGNANT AND BEAUTIFUL

damn these women. how do heidi klum and gillian anderson do it?

WHO INVITED THESE PEOPLE?

why is tracy gold there and why does she look horrible? and who invited vanessa minillo and maria menounos?

HAIR COMMERCIALS

patrick dempsey clearly got best male hair while i was totally envious of heidi klum's 'do.

SPECIAL MENTION

and a huge shout out for a hot bitch who knows how to work it...joan collins. man, i miss the 80s.

oscar roundup 2006

now that is a man who knows how to have a good time. you can tell he's about to laugh at how ridiculous this all is...or at least save up some of the red carpet memories to joke about with his friends at poker night next week. love him.

so.... oscars 2006! i will go on record as saying that it was probably the worst oscars i've watched in a very long time. the show was bad, the movies were bad, the winners were boring. there, i said it. the fashions were terribly boring too but thank goodness for the parties that completely take over the entire city that night. you can thank me right now for wading through hundreds of websites to bring you the best and the brightest. before fashion though, a few comments on the show...

1. holy shit...two minutes into the show and catherine keener has her head buried in her cell phone. i'm bored too.

2. enough with the montages. if i counted correctly they had four COMPLETELY superfluous montages for no reason. an homage to film noir, epics, biopics, and movies dealing with "issues". "issues" like global warming in 'the day after tomorrow'. jesus christ. if you cut out all of those you wouldn't have to embarassingly play oscar winners off the stage before they even get to speak.

3. jennifer garner almost fell...whoa. good recovery. and i guess she's still breast feeding.

4. i maybe laughed more at ben stiller in his 2 minute visual fx bit than i had at his last five movies.

5. i sort of expected the audience to give jennifer aniston a standing ovation...it's so hard and practically superhuman to survive a break up you know. especially when it's brad pitt.

6. i enjoyed lily tomlin and meryl streep's bit the best. their introduction of robert altman's lifetime achievement award was charming. i love these two.

7. diana ossana who won best screenplay for 'brokeback mountain' was the most boring speech i've ever heard in my life. she must have taken 10 valiums before she showed up.

8. reese, i am now starting to think your "golly gee" cuteness is an act so stop it.

9. michelle williams, you rule for taking best friend busy phillips to the oscars and making sure she sat in the front row in front of all the other nominees. i would love to be invited to the oscars just so i could take a pq posse member. sure, i'd have to choose one and i'd probably choose helen, but it would still be fun.

10. CRASH. my rant and anger requires it's own post. so it will come after this general oscar blog entry. stay tuned.

and now for the fashion. i apologize for all of the clicking you'll have to do....

the worst dressed of the night award goes to michelle williams. it pains me to do this because she had been looking so good but i HAVE to give this award to her based on the fact that in my 20 years of watching red carpets, this is the ugliest color i have ever seen on a dress. hands down. horrible. add to that the weird design of the dress and the clown red lips, and it's just bad. i think i have to applaud her willingness to take a risk, but it was just bad.

my choice for best dressed of the night was uma thurman. i know it's not too exciting but when she walked on stage she looked beautiful and put together and the dress was flattering.

and on to the rest...

best use of brown went to amy adams. the dress wasn't perfect but the brown really looked nice on her with her red hair. and pockets were very 'in' this year. who knew?

best use of leftover fabric shreds went to naomi watts. this dress is not only hideous in its design but it also was extremely unflattering. poor color choice too and it washes her out.

best use of drapes as a skirt went to ziyi zhang. yeah, she doesn't speak english very well but someone could have told her.

the coolest woman over 50 award went to meryl streep. sure, she's crazy and the dress is a little crazy at the bottom, but her skin is flawless and she's rocking it.

best use of boobs went to, who else, dolly parton. for some reason i find her so awesome. her interviews on the red carpet were honest and cute and she just couldn't believe she was there with all of that expensive jewelry. rad.

best 1990s reunion had to be sandra bullock and keanu reeves. a runner up couple would have been when nicole kidman presented an oscar to her 'peacemaker" co-star george clooney but they weren't there as dates. and for some reason i really dug sandra's dress.

the scariest neckline award sadly has to go to felicity huffman. i don't like doing it because i like her and i've seen her look great at other shows, but her bony rib cage in this dress did nothing for me. neither did the mesh sides or the matronly hair. sorry.

the cool hippie chick award goes to catherine keener. there was no competition.

best imitation of a stick award went to nicole kidman. i know she looked good but she is just so damn straight that it's scary.

shiniest dress award went to reese witherspoon. i think i like this dress but i was still disappointed. in past years she has looked AMAZING and this was just okay. i find the bottom a little disturbing because it makes her look like she has a huge ass and hips and i know that's not true.

jessica alba gets the who invited her award because, honestly, who invited her?

the coolest dude without a tie award goes to morgan freeman.

the biggest appearance by a bow goes to charlize theron. man, there's a lot to look at in that photo. her hair and makeup reminded me was sort of old glamor (?) and the dress was just an insane mess.
but even with all of that, she's still one damn pretty barbie doll.

best anorexic with poor posture award goes to the lovely keira knightly. okay, the color of the dress i like and the dress is okay. though i don't like one shoulder numbers. but her necklace was a bit heavy for me and she always has the worst posture and facial expressions. but all in all, okay.

best 'dynasty' imitation definitely goes to helena bonham carter. from the '80s white pumps to the lame dress to the huge puffy hair....tim burton has clearly brainwashed her.

the best mystic tan award goes to jennifer lopez this year though it was a tight race. she was heavily bronzed, her dress was a vomit green, and i've never been a fan of the "let's put a big ass skirt cape around your ass and hips so no one notices how huge they are" thing.

and from the after parties, please check out these amazing "celebrities":

paris hilton wearing a slaughtered peacock. lindsay lohan looking good?!!? a very daring kate bosworth. an amazingly drunk quentin tarantino. 'project runway's' beautiful heidi klum. the train wreck that is rachel griffiths. clearly insane sharon stone. and my favorite and yours, the always classy pamela anderson and friend.

coming soon...

my oscar roundup. check back soon because i'll post it later today after i go get my taxes done. woohoo! fashion pics galore...

come on, y'all

seriously. you remember this girl?

sure, it's not an outfit i would have chosen but i do remember when guys thought britney spears was hot and she'd do these supposedly sexy dances and shake her ass and tight abs. ahh, the year 2000. how long ago it seems. have you all been keeping track of her latest looks? this poor girl is falling apart. i'd like to blame it all on her no good husband kfed but, unfortunately, i've heard her talk and, once you've had that voice burned into your brain, you can't help but come to the conclusion that she's a dumbass. but still, who is dressing this poor woman?

here she is at the SAG Awards.

the amazing thing about this is that i SWEAR that colleen crouch wore this exact same dress to a 7th grade dance. no joke. it is almost identical. back then colleen rocked it but someone must tell ms. spears that it is no longer 1991. this is not good. and her hair is tragic. and a choker? i gave all of my velvet chokers away in 9th grade.

to make matters worse she shows up at a pre-Grammy party last week wearing THIS:

words can't describe the horror. now, i'm not going to bag on the girl for gaining some weight. she had a baby, she has to live with the "man" on her arm and people follow her everywhere. that would all lead me to some good pizzas and burritos too. so fine. but you can't dress the same honey! you can't wear the same thing you wore 5 years ago when you weighed 105 pounds. this is frightening. it is WAY to short and the stripper shoes look like they are from contempo casuals or some shit.

then came the actual grammy's. i think i liked it better when this girl stayed home.

the top is hideous, the "train" is ridiculous and the poor girl needs to get her roots touched up. i am happy that there must have been a 2 for 1 sale at contempo casuals because she's wearing the same type of hideous heel with a slight variation. classy.

gg '06 recap

oh, how i love the golden globes. television AND movies without all of those boring art direction categories. here's my recap...

funniest moment on the red carpet
joan rivers wasn't TOO embarassing but she did have one little episode that i died laughing about. emma thompson came with colin firth ("nanny mcphee" people) and joan greets emma and reads off her card "and with her is greg wise." yeah, that's emma's husband (and also star of "sense and sensibility") but that's not colin firth. so colin tells joan that no, he is not greg her husband but he is colin firth. that was funny but not nearly as funny as what happened next. someone must be yelling in joan's ear about all of the movies that colin firth has been in because she suddenly starts talking to him about "pride and prejudice". of course colin did star in the a&e mini-series in the mid-90s so at first he's on board. but then he realizes that she's talking about the movie that's nominated with keira knightly. i think he tried to correct her a few times but she didn't get it AT ALL. after her ramblings he just sort of said goodbye as he was dying laughing at her. oh, how rad.

most awkward red carpet moment
you think i'm going to say it was when isaac mizrahi felt up scarlett johanasson. but it's not because her boobs are so out there and obvious that any mention of them isn't awkward at all. no, it was when isaac said to hilary swank, "now that you're single are you dressing up and hitting the town?" um, yeah. she just announced a TRIAL separation. like yesterday. and it's not a divorce. so she gets flustered and says "i'm not single and i'm still trying to save my marriage." aww, poor hilary.

best acceptance speech
steve carrell. no surprise.

most surprisingly good acceptance speech
geena davis. did she just bring the funny?

most tasteless joke of the night
that would be when dennis quaid introduced best picture nominee "brokeback mountain" by saying it was something that rhymed with chick flick. really, did you just do a dick joke about that movie?

biggest snob
gwyneth paltrow in her tribute to anthony hopkins kept calling him "antony". you're not british. or italian.

best surprise cameo
busy phillips from dawson's creek sitting next to michelle williams at the brokeback table. man she looked out of place but i love the dawsons love.

looking good....

evangeline lilly from "lost". it's not a great picture but that color looked great on her.

michelle williams. sure, when i finally saw the bottom of this dress today i was a bit horrified. but she looked so cute and pretty and happy that i have to give it up.

felicity huffman usually looks a little man-ish but i was proud of her outfit and thought she looked better than the other housewives.

who in the hell can pull off short hair? no one i know yet natalie portman looks so pretty. classically beautiful and pretty lace dress.

i'm on the fence on this one but i guess she's pretty and looks good in white. keira knightly looks like she should eat and the belt (?) and curtain cords (?) are weird but she looks good.

sandra oh's dress has some weird maxi pad wing things happening on the side of the chest but i still love her because she's feisty and on my favorite show.

terrible....

you all know my feelings about on ms. johansson so it's not surprising that i think she looks like a hooker. as i said last night, her boobs got to the party about 15 minutes before she did. put them away girlfriend.

chloe sevigny is always a guaranteed train wreck so thank you again ms. sevigny.

i know rachel weisz is pregnant but that's no excuse. the hair was bad, the color was awful, and the top was horrible looking.

when i first saw penelope cruz i mistook her from an extra send from the 1980s set of "dallas". her big hair is terrifying and the dress is lame and unflattering.

red. satin. unflattering. horrible lipstick. not. good. poor geena davis.

brace yourself for one of the most anorexic people ever...ellen pompeo from 'grey's anatomy'. i'm bummed the picture is so small but oh well. if you can't tell, she's trying to hide her bony ass under an ugly dress but her bones are still protruding out. she also has a nice yellow shine from not eating. poor poor girl.

gwyneth paltrow - pregnant AND 80 years old.

oh please stop teri hatcher. the sequins don't distract from your odd bony body and bad plastic surgery. i feel sorry for her.

yuck.

as always, melanie griffith is scary. she gets older, things sag more, and she still wears the same low cut dresses with slits up to here.

oh, how are you in charge of 'project runway'?

worst dress of the night? just some woman named dayna devon from "extra" but it still counts. horrible.

when bad fashion happens to good people

i don't know if you can tell in this picture, but drew barrymore is not wearing a bra. and it was distracting.

i adore emma thompson and colin firth but emma's fashion for this evening was a bit suspect. the dress didn't support her bust and was too shiny and unflattering.

i'll give it up for the princess diaries but anne hathaway made some bad decisions. one shoulder a-symetrical is kind of lame and the dress made her look pregnant. and i think her lips are eating her face.

blonde? really?

most disappoing of the whole night by far was reese witherspoon. she is usually an impeccable dresser and she looked awful last night. i don't know where she got this dress but it's not good. weird silver metallic? and metallic beads that cut off mid breast no less? plus the waist line that has tons of pleats to make your ass and hips look big? what was she thinking? even worse, check this out. you know if snarly tooth dunst is wearing your dress, it's bad news.

emmy roundup

so after the emmys i thought i'd do a roundup of the best and worst. but then i got to work monday morning and was lazy and saw that a ton of other websites did the same thing except they did it ten times better. BUT, sadly i am bored out of my mind at work so i'm going to post about the emmys anyways.

first, it was a horrible show. one of the worst awards shows i've seen in so long. the actual show was bad and dumb people won. people that shouldn't have. and that's not just my opinion, that's a fact. luckily, the red carpet remained and that's always the best part.

check out this quality picture of jane kaczmarek. she seems like a nice person and all but see the little spot where her nipple is? know what that is? it's a stick-on nipple cover thing and you can see it through your dress jane!!

this just in, zach braff and mandy moore are dating. she's purdy.

in other news, jeremy piven is an cocky disgusting prick but a funny cocky disgusting prick.

here's one of my favorites. an anorexic teri hatcher trying to hold her stomach in after having one sip of a margarita. man, i wish i could ignore the basic need to eat.

some of the best dressed....

she's not young, she's not bony thin, and i like this mariska lady.

also not young and not bony thin (with a bad name to boot), c.s.i.'s marg manages to pull this off.

funky and weird but i like this dress on alyson hanigan

and what i think is the best...marcia cross looking the best she has ever looked.

and the worst....

if i were as fucking tall, thin, and beautiful as charlize theron, you'd better believe that i'd be wearing something prettier than this.

remember in college when you used to hang tapestries on your wall? well isla fisher from 'wedding crashers' is wearing one. and i think i can see her strapless bra.

i can always count on debra messing to be wearing something HORRIFIC on the red carpet. when her show FINALLY goes away this year, who will i turn to?

maybe patricia arquette can take her place. this girl is a train wreck. horrible horrible hair and just an ugly, badly fitting dress. oh, the shame.

don't know why this actress was at the emmy's, but this dress is no good. stop it. and stop it with the belts over clothing.

of course, worst dressed honors has to go to our own star jones. you gotta conclude that this woman is blind. she loses basically a person in weight then chooses the MOST unflattering dress possible. i mean, gathered purple velvet is not going to look good on anyone. NO. ONE. EVER.

christmas comes twice a year

that's because the other christmas day is oscar day. an extravaganza of fashion and botox and female friends at my house eating appetizers and dinner and dessert for hours at a time. as usual, i have a fashion recap. i do apologize for the number of links but i love all the dresses! unfortunately, there were no huge missteps this year so i don't have much to make fun of. except joan rivers. my favorite is when she asked british actress imelda staunton if she got to meet the real vera drake before she died. the poor woman had to tell joan that vera drake was, in fact, a fictional character. oh joan....

first up we've got penelope cruz who of course is gorgeous and looked great from the front....but a huge bow on your ass? i think i remember this look from 1988.

speaking of 1988, scarlett johanasson seems to have copied my crimped hairstyle from that year. except, no one told her that it was ugly then and it's uglier now.

the men were boring as usual but i thought spike lee's shriner's cap was particularly heinous.

i hated laura linney's awful hair and awful dress but no one can argue that salma hayek isn't totally hot.

drew barrymore is totally cute as usual but check out the anonymous woman next to her! crazy.

i don't want to be a bitch, but how long before clive owen trades in his plain jane with a bad dress wife? hey, i'm just being realistic...

renee zellweger needs to stop. stop whatever she's doing to herself. start eating and start actually moving some facial muscles. it's paining me. she looks so uncomfortable. and stop wearing mrs. claus outfits.

elle macpherson may be a model and mischa barton may be some young fashion ingenue, but they both scare me.

and one of the biggest surprises of the night wasn't the awards, but the fact that leonardo dicaprio actually showed up with his girlfriend giselle bundchen. but i love this photo of her dress which is the only picture i could find that makes her look weird. yay for me.

and, finally, i saw a lot of looks that reminded me of my wedding day. my dress' back is sort of like this and i'll be striking this model pose for most of my pictures. and later in the evening, when it gets a little chilly outside, i've got this jacket to keep me warm.

emmy extravaganza

well, last night the emmy's were on and i feel like i need to validate their existence by, what else? blogging about them. recently E! suffered a great loss. when joan and melissa rivers decided not to come back to do their red carpet coverage, the world went into mourning. i know you know what i'm talking about. joan was sadly missed by myself and my tv watching posse. (hi stacey!) so, in joan's absence, i feel it is my duty to do a little fashion recap and hand out my own awards. so, in loving memory of joan, (yes, she's still alive...barely), I give you my awards:

The award for unnecessary mom cleavage goes to mary steenburgen.

The award for grandma whore goes to cloris leachman.

The award for scariest and most embarrassing date is a tie between ryan seacrest and bill mahar.

The award for best revival of mall spin art goes to teri hatcher.

The award for oldest rambling man with 1980s glasses and a hair piece goes to al pacino. Oh, how that one pains me.

The award for dumbest date has to be donald trump. Though I admit I need more evidence. But this is just going off her blank stare.

The award for worst use of chili peppers goes to angelica huston. Don't do it again Angelica. Please.

The award for my best dressed has to go to mariska hargitay. Don't really know her, never seen her show, but I like it! And always like flowers in hair.

The ahh, so cute award goes to jennifer garner. She is just so cute. What a delight.

The award for the fake tan i'd most like to have goes to jamie-lynn di scala. Ahh, the golden ointment.

And the award for most tragic former pop star turned C-celebrity goes to paula abdul. If you keep dressing like this Paula, you won't forever by my girl.