where are the residuals?

Everyone I know has already seen (and enjoyed) The Bourne Ultimatum. But here, again, for your viewing pleasure, is my lovely husband's voice-over...just because I think it's so damn funny. (Fast forward to 2:30)


My question is, when do we see a residual check for the massive DVD sales?

the curse of mankind

Apparently my husband has more in common with Tom Cruise than just a tall wife.



Dance sweat... all the money in the world can't stop it.

Annoying...

Finding your husband's brand new $300 blazer wadded into a ball in the dirty clothes hamper. Um, I know you have never owned a suit before, but this isn't an item you just throw in the washer.

God I'm getting old.

'Tis the season to give...and receive

Christmas is about giving and this year I gave some gifts that people loved...and some that fell flat. But as I don't have much to write about that, I'll let you in on some of my new toys.

1. The Slanket. If you're not familiar with this product it is the best blanket ever. Why, you ask? Well because it's not only a warm fleece material and HUGE, it also has sleeves where you can stick your arms out. That way if you're on the couch watching tv and trying to keep warm...but also trying to type up a blog post or have a bowl of ice cream, your upper body doesn't have to be exposed to the cold California air! Greatest invention ever. Thank you husband.

2. The husband also did well because he got us tickets to see "Wicked" in L.A. I've been interested in this musical for a while but it especially means a lot because I know how much he hates musicals. Thank you again husband.

3. My big "boss" (or the illustrous director of my current movie) was kind enough to get me not one but two gifts. Ahh, how generous. An autographed DVD copy of "Red Dragon" (didn't like it the first time) and his book which I was actually somewhat interested in only because I love photobooths. It contained a lovely little note on the front page so I guess I should give him props for actually remembering the little people. And I suppose the big huge and wet kiss that he planted on my cheek should count as a third gift. I can die happy now.

4. Got a National t-shirt which is my favorite band of the year. And it's red.

5. Don't you hate the people that use bluetooth wireless ear pieces to talk on their cell phones? Yeah, me too. But now I've got one! My new cell phone doesn't even have a headset jack because it's too new so I had to get a bluetooth one. But I promise I will only use it in the car and not keep it in my ear at all times when I am walking around.

6. A new book by Christopher Moore, one of my favorite authors.

7. Last, but not least, someone who has given me a few headaches remembered me at Christmas and I have to admit that it was very nice of him. The brother/assistant/manager of our lead actor singled me out and gave me a GPS navigational system. Wow, I thought. This will be fun for the car. I've always wanted one. Then I found out how much it was. And off to the store I went. I'm ashamed to admit but returning it and getting the money was far more fun than using it would have been. Besides, I have a map and maps are fun enough.

it's a small world after all

This past weekend marked the start of my 28th year (though technically, i suppose it's the 29th year). To celebrate this momentous occasion, my dear husband surprised me with a trip to disneyland. Well, actually, he ruined the "surprise" aspect but that's another story.
We were both anxious about the crowds but it turns out that it wasn't full at all! The longest we waited for a ride was about 15 minutes. There was the first ride on Splash Mountain that completely soaked me so that I was freezing until I changed into my spare sweatshirt (clearly I'm getting old). A churro was had, some ice cream was definitely had, and we got to see all of the Christmas decorations. I think this trip gave me my fill of Disneyland for a while though. I used to be able to last from 8am until midnight but I was tired after about 7 hours this time.
It was extremely nice of John to take me when I am aware of his general hatred of crowded amusement parks. He had fun but had to draw the line at the ridiculous Christmas parade. The same music played on a loop every 2 minutes or so and there were some really disturbing small people (we decided they weren't quite midgets) dancing around. Luckily, I was able to capture John's disdain pretty well.

I guess some guys just aren't into wannabe actresses dressed up as ballerina dolls dancing on floats. Go figure.

shamu

last night i had a vivid dream that i can actually remember. i think i can only remember it so well because my alarm went off so early and interrupted some serious REM sleep.

john and i were at sea world and went to see the shamu show. we didn't sit in the blue bleachers at the front (the wet zone) but sat in the first row behind the blue. i was excited to see the show but as it was about to start, i kept pulling on john's shirt and saying anxiously, 'i think we're going to get wet...i think we're going to get wet.'

then the alarm went off.

jerry o'connell hangover

last night i had too much to drink. sports bars have been bringing that out in me lately. and with $3 happy hour drinks (instead of $6!) the deal was too good to pass up. of course the alcohol totally exaggerated my reaction to my celeb sighting of this guy. sadly, i have had a crush on him for a long time and have gotten a lot of shit for it for a long time. i guess it's my weakness for big frat boys who just look like they like to kick back with some brews and watch sports. well, guess what? he DOES like to do that. awesome. and he looked totally slimmed down and sans the alcoholic bloat. of course, while he was only three feet from me, i made it clear to my table that i thought he was hot and had a crush on him. this being the table that included my husband. the man that i love. and the man that i would never leave for little ol' jerry oc.

;)

pennsylvania dreamin'

pennsylvania is different than california. very different. though i think i should clarify and say that i'm talking about harrisburg, pa which is in central pennsylvania. i'm sure philly and pittsburgh are much different. but harrisburg sure does offer some interesting local color. i love to make fun of it and yet i also love it. here are some things that may be different from where you live...

people hunt. a lot.

i thought this sign was amazing and insisted that john pose with it. it's a sign outside a bass pro shop (apparently very big in places like central pa). keep in mind that this store was inside a mall with regular stores like victoria's secret and the limited. weird.

another insane store...

this photo is inside the cabela's store which is INSANE. seriously as much parking as disneyland and the store is enormous. the centerpiece of the store is this huge nature setup in which they've placed hundreds of stuffed deer. awesome. there's also a section with polar bears and of course the biggest aquarium with live fish that you've ever seen. those pennsylvanians love their outdoors.

mexican or hispanic people? i don't think so.

i also found this to be amazing so i took a picture. you may be familiar with a delicious minty and refreshing alcoholic beverage called a mojito. that's right. mojito with a "j". and, granted, if you are not familiar with the spanish language, you may pronounce it wrong. but pennsylvania solved that problem by just changing the "j" to an "h". genius.

would you like some salad with your carrots?

this is the best but i don't think the photo does it justice. when you're lucky enough to find a salad without french fries on top, this may be what you'll get. sadly, i despise carrots so i don't really enjoy having five carrots shredded on top of my sad iceberg lettuce and weird tomato wedge.

ahh, but i truly LOVE my time in pennsylvania over the holidays. it's so peaceful and relaxing and we have a great time. and there's lots of things to love. check it out...

red

we don't get trees like this with winter berries in southern california. so pretty!

family

check out this cool family. they're rad and they're sort of mine so you can't have them.

have i mentioned there's a pool table in the basement?

you may recognize sydney second from the right as our all-star wedding attendee. quality.

check out my aunt's farm.

it's gorgeous, has lots of horses, has great sledding, and you can explore the 50 acres on a rad 4 wheel drive little tractor vehicle.

of course, the BEST reason to go to pennsylvania is obviously the boys (and their significant others). they are so incredibly rad that they got me this t-shirt.

pq posse, i know you may feel abandoned but don't. there's enough of me to go around...i can handle two posses.

the blues

i wish i could say i just have the babysittin' blues but sadly it's more than that.

lately a good number of my friends have been dealing with some tough issues and i feel so bad that all of these people i love have to tackle such sad things. it seems that tough times come in waves though and sadly i'm feeling the wave. these past weeks have been trying in one way or another and it seems like each day brings more..well, crap, for lack of a better word. it's not eloquent but it's true. today we're approaching 3 weeks without a shower and while our landlord PROMISED it would be done yesterday so that we could have a shower today, she lied. or the workman lied. either way, our shower is not done and i don't know when it will be. then there's the fact that after a VERY shitty work day on wednesday, all i wanted to do is come home and watch "lost". i walk in the door, turn on the tv, and guess what? our brand new tv is broken. won't turn on. the lamp has burned out. every big screen rear projection tv has a lamp that is supposed to last about 3 years. how long did ours last you ask? that would be about 40 days. so when you're whole existence during the week revolves around the 2 waking hours you spend at home in front of the tv, a LACK of tv is quite disruptive. and, yes, it's only tv, but when it's what you do and where you eat and how you socialize, it sucks and makes you want to cry. that's right, cry.

but after missing my favorite show and having a broken tv and shower, what else could go wrong? hmmm...that's when God or whoever stepped in and decided to kill john's car. while he was driving of course. yep, just driving down the road in traffic for his shitty job that he hates and bam! he hears a sound and his car just dies. that's it. right on 3rd. that's funny, considering we just spent $2300 at the auto mechanic so they could update all of the major parts. or did they? i guess not if his car just died. so, the quote to repair it is another $1500. good times. not much you can do though, right? gotta pay it because you need a car in los angeles.

so, all in all, a great couple of weeks. add in the fact that the tv can't be fixed for over a week, the car can't be fixed for a few days, the husband has jury duty on monday, loses his job a week from monday, and, in general, despises this whole city, and you've got yourself a party! happy friday.

my husband

i promise there will be no more talk of south park after this post. but i couldn't resist....
john, in an argumentative mood....

weekend of first times

it was a packed fun-filled weekend full of familiar things (football, brunch at lulu's) but the weekend also brought with it some firsts. have a look-see....

- it was the first time i'd seen john do "should i stay or should i go" at karaoke. he was WAY into it...running through aisles, jumping on chairs, scooting on his knees. he was hard-core and the next day he had rugburns on his knees to prove it.

- it was the first time i'd seen karoake invaded by a horde of heavy metal t-shirt clad, long wig wearing, alternative, bicyclists. words cannot describe the scene that "midnight ridazz" brought with them, but it was amazing. one of the craziest things i have seen in l.a. definitely the most bikes i've seen in l.a. and at an insane ac/dc cover band concert. loved it.

- it was the first time i'd seen fox new show "reunion". it wasn't very good.

- it was the first time i'd seen a picture of me like this.

- it was the first time i'd gone to a going away party for my friend jimtern. oh wait, no it wasn't.

- it was the first time our neighbors fought back in the war of noise. john did his usual stomp as hard as he could on our floor (their ceiling) and 1 minute later our doorbell rang. i've been telling john for months that stomping is not an acceptable form of protest for loud neighbors. sure enough they came up and john and the girls had words. i believed they said that they don't complain when he has all of his football friends over and they yell and scream and roll around on the wheely chairs. oh, and they said something else which leads me to my final point....

- it was the first time i'd heard this - "i don't complain when lisa has her soriority sisters over." umm...what the hell?!! soriority sisters? do i look like i was in a damn soriority!? apparently i must sound like i'm giggling hysterically about clothes with a bunch of high-heel wearing females. i mean, it was just that one oscar show. and the golden globes. but we weren't bound by any greek organization! unless "pq" is a greek letter i don't know about.

june 25, 2005 - part 1

well, it's been over a month so i figured it's time for the post about my wedding. though, to be honest, it feels as if the moment has passed and now it's too late to blog about it. oh well...you'll just have to suffer through it. here's one of the billions of photos i have of the event and one of my favorites.

we both don't love posing for pictures and we had never had so many pictures taken of ourselves. that being said, it wasn't too bad because, hey, when else in your life can you at least be confident that your hair, makeup, and dress looks as good as they're going to look? i took solace in that at least. though some of the poses that the photographers suggested didn't feel..um..."natural". check this one out:

yeah, not exactly a move we do in our living room every monday night. and yes, that's only how far i can bend back. i may live in LA but i don't subscribe to that yoga and pilates crap. hence the lack of flexibility. of course, what you don't see in those pictures (hopefully) is the fact that i was sick as a dog the night before. i never EVER thought i'd be one of those girls who stresses out and freaks out before her wedding. and i guess i wouldn't say i "freaked out" but the night before my wedding i got really sick. sure, part of it was that i was run down from the hectic week and getting no sleep every night. but as i was hugging the toilet around 1am the night before my wedding, all i could think was "oh god, i can not be THAT girl. i seriously can't be sick because of stress. no way." i never stress. not in high school, not applying to colleges, and certainly not before college finals. of course, i woke up the morning of my wedding feeling much better and ready for my big day. but i still can't believe that i was THAT girl. well, sort of.

but the wedding turned out wonderfully and we had an awesome time. it was all that we could have hoped for. all we really wanted was for everyone to have a great time and to be on the dance floor all night. and that's exactly what happened. i only wish that it could have lasted longer though i guess any amount of time would have flew by.

a wedding is really an interesting thing. as my dear husband put it, he really "felt the love all night." sounds cheesy but it's totally true. everyone in the twinkling tent was someone close to me that i loved and it was so nice to look around and see all of those familiar happy faces having a great time. while it may have been the open bar's heavy flow of alcohol, hugs were plentiful and there were lots of 'i love yous'. it's really too bad that a wedding is only a once in a lifetime event (for most) because never again will there be an excuse to get all of those people into a room again. pity. because everyone should get down with their grandparents, friends, and neighbors to "living on a prayer", "hot in here", "dancing queen", and "take on me" every year or so. it's good for your health.

all in all, it was event i'll never forget. the speeches were beautiful and moving, my new husband almost made me cry during the ceremony, the dance floor was packed all night, and it was great seeing all my friends and relatives in one room. of course, the best part of the night was the photobooth but those pictures will be coming soon so stay tuned.

marriage factory

last weekend the fiance and i got our marriage license. a little piece of paper that says that now we are allowed to legally be married in the state of california. very exciting. we were warned that the county clerk's office was very busy on saturday because hey, guess what? most people work all day during the week. so we got to the office and there were a ton of couples there. the great thing about the county clerk's office is that you can not only get a license there, but you can get married! yup, a short 3 minute ceremony and you're married. they even offer four marriage "packages". for a $100 you just get married and get a keepsake marriage certificate. but for package D for $150, you get a photo AND a video AND a commemorative pen. a good deal if you ask me. john and i were tempted to do it and take the wedding money and run, but we knew my parents would track us down and murder us. murder's a strong word so i MAY be exaggerating. but you get the point.

the saddest part of the county clerk's office? the overwhelming number of pregnant girls waiting to be married. there were quite a few couples like that. oh, and john loved the number of guys with trucker hats who were chewing gum as they went into the tiny marriage rooms. when they came out they were still chewing gum but generally looked a bit happier. or so i like to think.

early wakeup call

the doorbell rang around 6am this morning. it was pitch black and the rain was coming down pretty hard. my first thought was "what the hell?!" my second thought was "oh god, what's wrong?" and my third thought, voiced out loud, was "john, you get it." so he stumbles out and walks toward the door. before he can answer it i hear that whoever is out there has started pounding on the door and yelling 'is anyone in there?' hmm...odd.

so john opens the door and finds two cops. i am groggy but manage to hear muffled sounds about a 911 call from our house and then the cop asking him if anyone else is in the house. then i hear john say "NO". hmmm, i thought, that's weird. because i'm pretty sure i'm here. so the guy says he just has to inspect the rooms and this big dude comes down the hall and comes in the bedroom with his flashlight a'blazing. and, let me tell you, if you've never been greeted by a thousand watt mag light in your face, you've never lived.

turns out that sometimes when it rains, the phone lines get messed up. how they get so messed up that they call 911, i'll never know. but it happened.

bloody sunday

okay, maybe it wasn't bloody, but it sure as hell was dark. the eagles lost and egan and john didn't take it well. didn't take it horribly, but didn't take it well. i woke up this morning thinking how odd it was that there would be no football for a while. no sundays at the bar or at the house watching hours and hours of games. of course, then i realized that the time flies and there will be basketball (fortunately and unfortunately) to occupy all of the tivo space. and then it REALLY hit me. by the time the next football season rolls around, i'll be a married woman. sports seasons really put it all in perspective, don't they?

abandonment

tonight i drop my significant other/roommate off at the airport. he'll be back home for a total of 3 weeks. 21 days. that's a long time. luckily, i'll be back east for 9 days of that trip. but i'm still sad. i'll miss him. BUT there might be some advantages. one, i'll get the whole bed to myself. the whole stinking bed to stretch out in. i can't imagine. two, i'll get to clean up and explore my OCD side. and three, i get to finally watch all of the made-for-TV christmas movies that i've been tivo'ing. i literally think there's about 5 of them. that's a lot of hours. some of the one's i'm really looking forward to include 'karroll's christmas' with wallace shawn and verne troyer...'a carol christmas' starring tori spelling and gary coleman....and 'an unlikely angel' featuring miss dolly parton. quality, no?

1 year engagement

i have been engaged for one year. though, if you ask me, if feels like it's been about a month. time flies by when you're supposed to be getting things done. but, then again, i've always been a procrastinator. i love that about myself. because i love getting it all done at the last minute and giving 'the man' a big F*&$ You when i get it all done in time. Though maybe i won't play such games with my wedding....

here's another shot of the christmas tree with good ol' santa. john and i bought the ornament on the left in cambria, california, the little coastal town where we got engaged. it's filled with sand and little presents that have apparently washed ashore. a good memory to unwrap year after year....

date of birth

birthdays are funny things. they mean cool new dolls when you're 5, cool trips to disneyland when you're 12, and cool slumber parties with pizza and bad videos when you're 15. but when you're 25, they mean something completely different. the gifts are very few and far between and often come in the form of a little paper slip with an amount written on it. birthdays used to be so fun but now they can border on depressing. it didn't happen to me yesterday. i'm not saying that. i'm just saying how different it is. and i guess in some ways how similar it is. you still get up that morning and take an extra minute or two to pick what you're going to wear (because everyone will be looking at you). you still get excited when you get a present or a birthday card in the mail. and you still get frightfully embarassed when people bring you a cake and start singing happy birthday. but it's just a little sad to have one or two less friends remember your birthday every year. and there's something sad about having to do the same crappy job on your birthday and getting treated in the same crappy manner. you want to scream "but it's my birthday and i deserve special treatment dammit!" but i guess that's not how the world works. after having to stay late at work for a lame reason ...after getting put on hold by my phone company and the nice lady machine voice telling me the approximate wait time was "99 minutes"...and after waiting in line at the pharmacy for 30 minutes only to have the dumb lady tell me that my prescription isn't ready even though it was supposed to be ready an hour ago.... you realize that maybe your birthday isn't that special. not anymore anyways.

but then you have an awesome fiance who takes you to buy a christmas tree and you stay up late decorating it and filling the whole house with a christmas tree smell. then you realize that birthdays can still put a smile on your face.

holy matrimony

in anticipation of my upcoming wedding, i purchased a wedding dress this weekend. it wasn't as horrible as i thought it would be. i mean, there is some strange woman in a dressing room helping you put on a big poofy dress, but it's not really that intrusive or embarassing because you are wearing a full petticoat and this so-called "strapless bra" which has about 10 times more coverage than a bikini top. of course then there's the whole stage and pedastal and mirror thing. nothing like parading around and posing in wedding dresses to boost your self-esteem. and i'm serious here. there were girls of all sizes, shapes, and colors and everyone looked beautiful. so i happened to find one or two that i liked and i ended up buying one. what do you think? it was between that one and this one and i think i made the right choice.

and speaking of vowing to spend the rest of your life with someone, i like this quote. maybe because john and i love to "debate" things. not fighting...debating people. it's fun. we enjoy it.

If you and I agree all the time, one of us becomes unnecessary.

apartment hunting

apartment hunting is not fun. apartment hunting in L.A. is really not fun. john and i have looked at some real crap holes. and these were all renting for the bargain price of $1800 or $2000. what a steal. the problem was...we were picky. very picky. well, after living in a virtual palace for 3 1/2 years, john was spoiled. and while my apartment is no great shakes, it's not too bad. so we had some high standards. and we wanted a duplex. and two bedrooms. and a washer/dryer. etc. etc. you get the drill.

as we looked at these apartments, john and i came up with a secret signal. if i really liked the place, i was supposed to take his hand and squeeze it. that way he would know to make an offer after that little house tour. sad to say, we saw many apartments and i never got to use the secret signal.

then i saw this little puppy on craigslist one day. granted, because it was cheaper, i was looking at the same listing for the downstairs unit of this building. the exact same but not upstairs. and no stove and fridge. but still! sounded pretty rad. sounded like the equivalent of duplexes that i was seeing for $1800 and $2000. i was sure it was too good to be true.

when we visited the apartment we first walked thru the upstairs because it was finished (the downstairs is being totally renovated). the minute i walked thru the door, i grabbed john's hand and squeezed it. but he didn't squeeze back. so later on during the tour, i squeezed his hand in the bedroom too. nothing. but he must be liking the apartment because it's so rad! when we finally walk thru the downstairs unit, i think i'm squeezing as hard as i can. probably almost broke john's hand. but i think he was finally getting the point. at the end of the tour when the woman said we could think about it, john said, 'no, we want it.'

and we got it. luckily she liked us best out of the tons of people she met. she just 'had a good feeling about us.' fifty emails later, the landlord is like my new best friend. she just got married so we've been talking florists, photographers, and honeymoons. AND she loves me so much that when i asked her if it'd be possible to put carpet in the bedrooms, she said 'what color?'